When your life is full of harrowing sadness and despair, you begin to give up on hope, happiness, and joy.  But, what if all you ever wanted had always been there?

        “Mother,” Kae heard Devra whine, “my dress won’t zip up!”
        “Maybe you should try harder, my love,” their mother cooed.  “How are you supposed to be good at anything if you can’t even put on a dress?” Sharp tones stealthily snapped her youngest daughter into small tears.
        “There is more to life than silly parties, mother.” Kae flinched as purple silk rustled with around her mother’s thin, rotating body, anger seething off of it like steam from an erupting volcano.  “Perhaps Devra was not meant for balls or the foolish boys that attend them.”
        A loud slap echoed through the sudden silence as Kae’s head flew the other direction with the blow.  “Don’t be ridiculous!”  Her mother yelled.  “Devra is just as beautiful as you or Mae!  Why shouldn’t she go to the balls?”
        Kae gently turned her head to stare at Devra.  The poor girl was quivering as she clutched the mirror, mentally pleading with it to save her from their tyrant of a mother.  
        “Well?  Are you going to say something or do I need to force an answer out of those dumb lips?”
        “Devra can do whatever you want, Ilnora, since she obviously cannot do what she wants.  Who needs free will when they have you, eh?” Kae laughed as she saw the back of her mother’s hand fly towards her face to silence her taunting.
        “Never call me Ilnora again.” Another slap brought the taste of blood flowing into Kae’s mouth.  “Ever.  Now, put some make-up on and get dressed.  We leave in twenty-five minutes—with or without you.”  She turned up her nose with a pronounced huff and stalked out of the room.
        Kae sighed and hid beneath a blanket of blonde hair, unable to move as silent tears rolled down crimson and bloodied cheeks, plopping on her perfect, black dress with hopeless disregard.  
        “Thank you,” Devra whispered, walking forward and putting a head on Kae’s shoulder.  “You’re the only one who has ever stood up to Mom for me.” She smiled and pushed back the blonde wave and dabbed some blush over the hand-shaped mark on Kae’s cheek.  “I wish she would treat us like she treats Mae.”
        Kae winced when Devra pressed the brush too firmly against the red streaks and groaned as she ran fingers across crusted blood on the right cheek.  “Mae has her own worries to drown in…things worse than Mother.”  Like boys, alcohol, and pregnancy, she thought with a mental sigh.  She is her own worst enemy.  Heels clacked uncertainly against the tiled floors as her legs shakily walked towards the mirror.  Intelligent, grey-blue eyes swiftly locked on to an eyeliner pencil and she began absently applying it to the bottom of her eyelids.  “Do you know whose hosting the ball this time?”
        Devra shrugged indifferently.  “Always a different, stuck-up noble—aside from your friends, the Defraes.  Even then,” she giggled, “I think the only reason they humor you is because Senne likes you so much.”
        Kae laughed and shook her head.  “Yeah, as a friend.  Is dating all you think about?” She glared at Devra and threw the pencil at her playfully, walking towards the door.  “Let the boys think about you all night, not the other way around.”  
        “Tell that to Mae!”
        Kae scoffed and walked out of the room.  
        “Tell me what?” A tall, black-haired woman stared at Kae in the dimly lit hallway.  It was like peering into a mirror, an unwanted reminder of misfortune and suffering.
        “Nothing,” Kae mumbled.  She frowned as Mae blocked the hall with a slender arm identical to her own.  “What do you want?”
        “The Defraes are hosting the ball tonight.”
        Failing to sneak past her twin, Kae released an elaborate sigh as shoulders slumped in defeat.  “What’s your point?”
        “Greil.”
        Kae rolled her eyes.  “What about him?”
        “Well, since Senne is his older brother, I was hoping you could put in a good word about me to Greil.  He is second in line after Senne, after all.  I might be wealthier than all of you if he chooses to marry me.”
        Kae shoved Mae’s hand off the wall and forcefully brushed by.  “I am not going to get involved with your romantic affairs.”
        “Oh, don’t be obtuse, Kae!” Mae stamped her foot arrogantly.  “You could at least be helpful from time to time.”
        “Now, now,” Kae’s finger waggled in the air, admonishing her sister’s behavior.  “I would not be much of a twin if I was not your opposite.”
        “I hate you!” Fair lips pursed indignantly as Mae stomped downstairs.  
        “What did you do to anger her this time?” Devra asked, shutting her large, wooden door quietly as her deep, blue dress rustled with each step towards Kae’s side.
        “I refused to play her game.” Kae smiled, took Devra’s hand, and began her waltz forward.  Padded thumps accented their gracefully rushed descent.  Mae stood at the base of the stairwell, glaring at Kae as their mother stormed into the room.
        “What are you doing?  Get in the carriage!  Are all of you daft tonight or something?” Veins bulged out of her thin, wiry neck as she shoved her morose children out of the house.  
        Kae hopped into the carriage, forcing Devra to sit next to her.  Neither of them looked up at the aggravated glares the women that sat on the adjacent seat cast discourteously.  
        As the horses lurched the carriage into motion, all conversation that could have formed died away.  Kae glanced at Devra, their bodies jostling in time with the clip-clop of hooves that echoed through the small window on both doors of the carriage.  Her elegant, comely sister did not return the gesture, blue eyes focused on the deep emerald fields of cropped grass that flowed by.  Before long, a herd of black mares with a large stallion the color of midnight plunged through the dark field.  Devra and Kae gasped in wonderment and awe.  
        “I see the Defraes have a good herd this year,” Ilnora, their mother, commented with the indifference bred into every prominent noble.
        “I wanted that stallion last year, remember mother?” Mae whined as she crossed her arms and lifted her chin with snobbish disdain and impudence.
        Ilnora grabbed Mae’s wrist and sank her claw-like fingernails into its soft and delicate skin, causing Mae to wince and cry.  “Be quiet, child.  I don’t want to hear your insolent and pathetic whining.”
        Kae stepped on her twin’s foot and gave her a warning glance that was shot back with indignant silence.  Good thing she’s my twin and perceptible enough to know when I’m telling her to shut up, Kae thought.  The change in the sound of the large Irish Draught horses’ rhythm caused her to look out the window once more.  The clop-clop of the horses over the small cobblestone bridge that held sway over Defrae River made Kae smile.  We’re almost there.
        “River looks a bit low this year,” Devra observed dryly.  She was careful to add that insolent and conceited tone to her voice that her mother loved so much.    
        “Who cares?” Mae demanded.  “It’s just a river.”
        Devra closed her eyes, praying for patience, and sighed.  “If the river is low, the Defraes might have some difficulties this year using the Defrae River as a source of hydroelectric power for their mills.” She shook her head. “Horse breeding alone will not be enough to pay for their finances.”
        “The Defraes’ well-being is no concern of yours, child.” Ilnora glowered maliciously at Devra.  The terrified girl tried to shrink herself into the corner of the carriage as much as humanly possible.  “Besides,” Ilnora continued, “how can you possibly know this by looking at the shallow part of the river in the evening?”  
        “I-I can’t,” Devra admitted timidly.  Her should slumped, weary of being singled out.  “You are right mother.”
        “You would do well to remember not to ask about them again.”
        Devra nodded, subservient to her mother’s crazed whims.  
        Kae continued to look out the window.  Unable to help, unable to defend her sister, unable to break away from her tyrant of a mother, she quietly sank even further into the despair that steadily grew in her heart.
        The ballroom inside of Defrae Manor was luxurious and grand—everything a ballroom should be.  It was enough to make Kae want to scream.  The only comfort was the large orchestra discreetly tucked away in the large minstrel’s gallery on the second floor.  As their melodic tunes whispered to the guests, Kae stared at the swirling colors across the dance floor. Look at these people, she growled inwardly.  They probably don’t even like one another yet they stand on pretense with their lying eyes and false smiles.  Disgusted, she turned away only to bump into something.
        “H-hello Miss Lombyne,” the man stammered.  
        Kae bowed, as was formally required, and stared.  His trousers were too short, causing his stockings to become an apparent embarrassment.  To make matters worse, his double-breasted jacket, no doubt worn to add bulk to his lanky form, swallowed the poor man whole.  Who dresses this kid? She wondered.
        “It’s a nice evening for a dance, don’t you think?” With great hesitation, he took two steps towards her.  
        “It is, Lord Brannon” Kae remarked casually, avoiding his eyes.  Why does he always go after me instead of Mae like everyone else? She began to walk towards the stairs, hoping to lose him amongst the other guests.  
        “Perhaps,” he persisted, “you would give me the honor of the next dance?”
        Almost as if someone had yanked an invisible chain and pulled her towards Lord Brannon, Kae whirled around and flashed her deceptively kind smile.  “Unfortunately, I do not dance.”
        “At least not with the likes of you, Brannon,” a smug, arrogant man laughed.  With suave and polished debonair, he walked up to Kae with a glass of wine.  The lustful smile he gave her sent fearful shivers rushing through her body.  “I love what you’ve done with your hair, my girl.”
        “E-excuse me, Lord Murrain,” Lord Brannon stepped in between Lord Murrain and Kae.  “As you can see, I was talking with Miss Lombyne first.”
        Lord Murrain made an almost dismissive scoff and, with feral grace, shoved Lord Brannon away from Kae.  “She’s out of your league.”
        His honor now struck, Lord Brannon stood as tall as he could, face turning as red as the tapestries hanging from the ballroom walls.  “Sir,” he spat out resentfully, “simply because your family is wealthier than mine does not make us inferior.”  
        “One could argue that,” Murrain growled.  “Your filthy kind are everywhere in this ballroom—crowding around the true nobles such as my family and the Defraes.  You,” he pointed his gaudy finger towards Brannon, “can’t even afford a suit.  Is that the new Highlord Brannon’s old suit?  Why yes,” Murrain grinned triumphantly, “I believe it is.”
        This is getting out of hand.  Kae eyed the two lords, their anger sparking around them like lightning.  “Gentlemen,” She waltzed between them.  “Let’s not argue like mere peasants.  I shall dance with both of you.  Is that fair?” Batting her eyes brazenly at both lords, she giggled.  
        “No,” both replied, still glaring at one another.
        “Forgive me, Miss Lombyne,” Brannon pushed her out of the middle, “but this is now a personal matter.”
        “Is there a problem here?” Kae almost wept with joy at the sight of the latest addition to their conversation.  
        After a moment, both lords bowed respectfully.  “No, Younglord Defrae,” Murrain replied politely.  “We were just seeing which of us Miss Lombyne would care to dance with.”
        “Were you now?” The handsome Younglord Defrae asked as his steel gray eyes flitted from one lord to another as they sheepishly nodded.
        “Ah! Lord Murrain!” All four of them turned and watched Mae bound up to the haughty lord.  “Where have you been?” She demanded, looking at Kae.  “Were you going to spend the rest of the night with my twin instead of me?” Her lip extended in an almost brat-like manner.  “I thought you said I was the most beautiful woman in all the land.” She gave Kae a glance that told her twin to leave with Younglord Defrae or else.  Kae gave the barest of nods and walked away from the two lords.  
        “They undoubtedly thought you were Mae, especially Lord Murrain” Defrae murmured as he ushered her upstairs as fast as possible.  “Heaven knows what that girl was thinking when she got involved with that man.”
        “What do you mean?” Kae pushed her way around a large group of noble women and winced at their false laughter.
        Senne Defrae stopped and turned to her, his face stony and serious.  “Murrain has a history of beating his women and he beds often.  Your sister is just one of them, no more than a tool of the flesh.”  He took her hand and opened a hidden door.  “Come, I want to talk to you.”
        Kae shut the door behind her and smiled as the cool night air washed around her.  I love this terrace.  She walked to the intricate railing and leaned down to watch the world below.  From her vantage point, she could see the horse fields and the outline of the Defrae mill near a bend in the water.  Noting how the river was unseasonably low, she made a mental note to tell Devra that the girl had been correct.  
        “You always look so lovely when you do that,” Senne admired before he embraced her eagerly.  “I have missed you so much over the summer.”
        “You have no idea,” Kae laughed.  “Dealing with my family without seeing you on a regular basis was torture.”
        Senne smiled awkwardly and blushed, to Kae’s surprise.  “Living without seeing you has been torture and…I came to realize something.” He took her hands and stared into her eyes in a way that made Kae tingle all over.
        “W-what would that be?” Her pulse began to race as his face closed in on hers, lips aligned.  
        “I realized that you are the only person I have ever been able to confide in, to care for and,” he blushed, “to love.  I love you, Kae Lombyne.”  
        Before her mind could deny it or argue that Mae was the one everyone loved, not her, Senne swept her heart away as his lips touched hers.  Time stood still.  Her mind memorized every feeling that crashed through her, every time her slightly parched lips brushed even further against his. So this is what heaven feels like.  After a while, Kae was forced to breathe.  Senne laughed nervously.
        “I take it you feel the same?” He looked at her hopefully, undaunted by the fear playing over her features.
        Do I? She walked away, mind lost in thought.  It was true that she had always cared for Senne more than anyone else alive, but she had never known love.  Her own mother did not show love.  None of the conceited nobles would ever think showing an emotion as strong as love would be suitable, so there was no one in her life to explain what love truly was. Perhaps I do love him. She turned back to him and he smiled warmly.  Yes, she did love him.  Since the first time the two of them had snuck out of the Defrae mansion, they had been inseparable.  He has always protected me…always been there.  She looked into his eyes and smiled.  “You will never leave me?  Never let me fall?”  
        Senne beamed at her and took her in his arms.  “I will never leave you if I can avoid it.”
        “What about our families?” She looked up at her newfound love sadly.  “My mother will give me to the highest bidder.  You know how she is.”
        Senne frowned.  “I have always wanted to find a way for you to get away from her grasp.”  He looked at the hidden door, laughter and music softly floating in the warm evening air, trying to help reality catch them.  “Kae?” His steely gray eyes softened at the very mention of her name.  “Will you go with me anywhere?”
        “Anywhere,” Kae assured, taking his hands.  “Now that I have figured out what my feelings are for you, I won’t let you go.”  She kissed him quickly again.  “Where do you want to go?”
        “I want to travel, to see the world.  Father has always let me go with him to take the horses to various breeders and merchants, so I have quite a few friends in unthinkable places,” he laughed.  “Most inappropriate for the heir to the Defrae estate, as Mom said.”  The two of them ambled to the terrace railing again.
        “Your father has always been a wise man,” Kae smiled.  “He is kind.”
        “He also knows where I can be found once we elope tonight.”  Senne watched her expression to gauge how well Kae would take this.  
        To both of their surprise, Kae became as giddy as a young girl on her first date.  “Where would we go?”
        “To breed horses in the desert.  In that place, your horses are your wealth and status.  Nobles and peasants are equal—the castes do not exist.  Come with me and help me make a line of magnificent horses and,” he kissed her lightly, “start a family we can call our own.”
        Kae jumped on her new love and giggled as he swung her around in the air for a moment.  “Wait.” Senne put her down.  “Where will we get the horses?”
        “Father is giving us the best horses he feels would survive in the desert and create a beautiful new breed.”
        Kae noticed Senne’s boyish grin and gasped.  “He’s giving you that herd in the northern pasture?  The one with the large black stallion?”  She almost squealed as he nodded.
        Senne took her hand and made for the door.  “Come, we have very little time.  Your mother leaves in a few hours and we must be out of the county by then.”
        Shocked, Kae blinked.  “How do you expect us to make it that far in such time?”
        “You are going to ride there on two of the swiftest horses, Miss Lombyne,” an old, haggard voice explained as Kae smiled at the old man it belonged to.  
        “Highlord,” she hugged him.  “You are a wise man and a generous, loving father.”
        The Highlord smiled at her and kissed her forehead.  “You are everything I could have asked for in a daughter-in-law.”  He turned to Senne and embraced him.  “I will send the herd once I receive a letter from either you or our friends in the desert.  Good fortune on your journey.  Now go!” He laughed as the two young people, full of giggles, ran out the door and up to Senne’s room to change into riding gear.

                                              Four years later

        “Morning Kelmad!” Kae greeted as the desert merchant kissed her on the forehead.  
        “I have a letter for you, meir Amharic.” Smiling at her last name, the novelty of it never wearing thin, Kae took the battered envelope from him.  With a small bow, she walked back into her fernla, or master tent.  
        “Who was it, Kae?” Senne, black beard trimmed in the ways of the desert man, asked as he entered through their well furbished side tent, or lomrk.  
        “It was Kelmad. I got a letter from Devra.” She opened it and began to read aloud.


                  
            Dearest Kae,


                        I hope you are doing well.  I have not spoken to you
                        since I received your letter telling me where you’d
                        gone.  Do not worry, I did not tell anyone.  Let me
                        tell you what has happened here since you left four years ago.  
                        Lord Defrae never explained what happened that night.  
                        He simply said his son chose his own path and so did you.  
                        The nobility all made their own conjectures, as I’m
                        sure the Highlord knew they would.  Most believed the
                        two of you eloped and stole Highlord Defrae’s best               
                        horses.  Mae was upset over that stallion for weeks. 
                        Mother disowned you and called you an ungrateful wretch.  
                        Naturally, her noble sheep followed suit.  Mae got
                        involved with Lord Murrain.  A few months after
                        you left, his father died.  Poisoned.  Thus he became
                        Highlord and took Mae as his wife, to mother’s
                        delight.  A year later, Mae was found dead in a back
                        alley somewhere.  Murrain claimed she was on
                        drugs and that he had pleaded with her to stop but
                        she would not.  Who knows what the truth is.  After
                        Mae’s death, mother never recovered.  You know how
                        she doted on that girl.  Within a month of Mae’s funeral
                        she became very ill and died.  I will confess that I
                        rejoiced instead of mourned.  Well, a year later, Lord
                        Brannon asked for my hand in marriage, which I stoutly
                        refused.  To my shock, Senne’s younger brother,
                        Greil, now the heir of Defrae estate, asked for my
                        hand as well. I also confess that I have loved him
                        as tenderly as you have Senne over these long, four years.  
                        The minute I was brought into the Defrae family,
                        life became better.  The have that marvelous
                        tendency of making your life seem blissful.  
                        Anyways, after our honeymoon and we returned,
                        the Highlord explained everything about you and Senne in full.
                        I must say he did a better job explaining it than you had.  
                        I have two year-old twins.  I named them Mae and Kae.  
                        It seemed fitting.  I also have a six month-old son named Senne. 
                        Greil picked the name.  
                        We see your horses all over the county, especially
                        at the racetrack.  I asked about you and found there
                        was no on by the name of Lombyne or Defrae living
                        with the merchants or in the desert mountains.  So,
                        I asked about the beautiful black horses.  After
                        a great deal of prying, this man here name Kelmad
                        asked why I wanted to know.  I explained the story
                        and he told me that he had known Senne since he was
                        a boy and that he helped the two of you take your
                        beautiful horses to market every year. The name
                        Amharic fits you more than Lombyne or Defrae ever
                        did.  Greil and I plan on visiting you some time
                        At present, the Highlord is sick and we have three
                        children and an estate to run.  It’s not easy being
                        an upper-class noble in the middle of a drought.  
                        Kae, I hope you are doing well.  Kelmad told
                        me about Dynn and Lynn and your other two
                        children.  I think twins run in our family.  
                        I am truly happy you found your heaven, Kae.  

                                                                    Hope to see you soon,
                                                                                 Devra Defrae

        “I’m sorry about your sister.”  Senne rubbed Kae’s shoulders, soothing her mind in that special way.  “She may have been flighty, but no one deserves to die that way.”
        “Yes, but at least she gained her own freedom, however sick it may have been.”  She looked outside to see a field of black horses with a few duns, grays, dappled, white, and roan horses on the other side of a large fence.  “I wish she could have seen the offspring that herd had created,” she looked up and smiled.  Tears streamed down her face onto their small wooden table that could be folded to transport at a moment’s notice.  “She loved horses.”
        Senne picked her up and took her to their bedroom, closing the flap behind him for privacy.  “She is safe now.  She is in heaven, in a safe place.”
        Snuggling up to her husband, the father of her four children, she silently thanked God for her family.  For her heaven.

Next Number: Innocence (coming soon) | Previous Entry | The Beginning